Grace In the Unacceptable

Tolle in “Stillness Speaks” writes:

Acceptance of the unacceptable is the greatest source of grace in this world.

I’m sitting in a space where my world reality, the one I’d accepted as true and hopeful, has radically changed. Around me are outpourings of anger, fear, dismay, sadness and hopelessness. We are now, my friends, fully in the midst of that state of heart and mind called grief, undeniably real and powerfully present. And, I’m on a search for grace.

My own restlessness woke me. I turned toward the clock and found a glaring 4:40 am looking back. All the faces, words, and emotions of those who’ve been sharing what has become unacceptable in their world came rushing through me. Now wide awake, I left my bed and headed upstairs to my office, grabbed my computer and started to return downstairs as new writing ideas circled around me. At the top of the dark staircase, I stopped to focus. My son and mother, both gone . . . but still close, held me quietly there.

The photo for this blog is compliments of my mother. Mom loved to send me gifts she thought were beautifully spiritual. And, not long after her grandson, Matt, died, a box arrived, holding a heavy glass, multi-pointed prism. A perfect Mom surprise, one I loved immediately. It has been hanging in a high, small, west-facing window, adjacent to my office, ever since. Late afternoon light dances daily on the stairs and its opposite walls, and those many star-like points of reflected light always bring delight. But I’d never experienced its peace as I did on this dark morning.

This image, reflected on the wall directly opposite where I stood, faced me. Bright moonlight streamed through that upstairs window, shooting stars around and through the prism, outlining its shape . . . twice.

I sat on the top step to stare at that gracious surprise, allowing my heart the time and space to recall that life is marvelously and energetically multi-dimensional and doesn’t stop when grief arrives. Though the horizon shifts, light, the grace of acceptance, hope and love, still shines.

You see, it was just dark enough in my heart and in my home for me to notice . . . to stop, breathe and absorb the message of beauty and peace available through those reflected stars around me.

In 2018, Anne Lamott wrote these words in “Almost Everything: Notes on Hope”: These days are among the hardest we will ever live through. . .. What helps is we are not all crazy and hopeless on the same day. One of us remembers and reminds the rest of us that when it is really dark you can see the stars. We believe grace is stronger than evil and sin. We believe love is stronger than hate . . .. And laughter is hope. We believe and hope that we will get through these . . . times.

I don’t know what all lies ahead. But, I do know one thing: we each have choices in how we accept what feels unacceptable, how we choose to respond to the grief within and around us. We are not alone . . . but moving onward begins individually. Trust you will find the right place and the right time to sit quietly, breathe deeply, watch, listen and believe when the gracious light of love, hope and acceptance comes calling.

Grace be with you,

Jane