The Grace in Saying Their Names Aloud

This one is for anyone whose beloved has died: for parents who have lost children . . . for brothers and sisters who have lost each other and/or their parents . . . for all immediate and extended family . . .  for friends, close or far away, who remember those who made a beautiful difference in their lives. This one is for each of you who has more to say.

I can attest to the freedom a hurting heart feels when it opens to hearing, out loud, the name of one lost. That joy compounds when others join in the speaking. It’s like a celebration, a proclamation of continuing, loving connection. It honors and strengthens the ethereal ties that can forever bind us beyond death.

It took me almost 8 lonely years to proclaim my own son’s name aloud to others outside a small circle of family and friends. I had taught myself well how to quietly wallow in the debris of grief, leaving behind my ability to call for help to celebrate his life.

But on one, beautiful April afternoon I sensed it . . . the timing and company were just right to let my pain go, to say Matthew’s name out loud, and to watch others smile because I was finally sharing a piece of my hidden heart. It was a time of vulnerability and of grace. We raised our glasses and toasted the birth and life of my boy . . . and finally this mother’s heart began unfolding from within itself.

Who do you want to remember and honor today? Whose name do you want to say and hear aloud? Who is no longer here, but endures, alive, in your heart? Whose life do you want others to celebrate with you? Who, every time he or she comes to mind, reminds you of love . . . of joy . . . of kindness . . . of grace?

Speak their names aloud. Say them with others who have known them; say them in conversation with others who’ve never known them. Say them with loving smiles, sometimes with heartfelt tears, always with   undying hope. Speak their names out loud because they forever live within you.

My list has grown since earlier Septembers. Smiling . . .and with tears, I say these names aloud as I write:

ALICE: may you rest in deep peace with the family you love

SALLY: may your smile light all of heaven around you

LEONARD: may you enjoy the music of love and kindness with your heavenly family

BILL: my dear father, may your laughing spirit bring delight in heaven as it did to me

DOROTHY: my dear mother, may your compassionate spirit bring you angel’s wings  

MATT: son, thank you for staying with me; I feel your courage and smiling presence everyday                               

With abiding love,

your daughter, mom, cousin and friend,

Jane